


A Good Death

by respoftw



Series: 2018 Hurt/Comfort Bingo [22]
Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Episode: s05e06 The Shrine, Fluff and Angst, Getting Together, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-24
Updated: 2018-11-24
Packaged: 2019-08-28 18:12:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16728411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/respoftw/pseuds/respoftw
Summary: You brought me to those caves to die.





	A Good Death

**Author's Note:**

> Euthanasia comes from the Greek and can be translated as 'good death'. I know this is a subject that people have strong opinions on and it is discussed in this fic so please don't read if you feel like this will upset you. Forewarned is forearmed!
> 
> Prompt: Mercy Killing

“What the hell is this?”

Rodney didn’t even glance up from his computer as John stormed into his lab and demanded to know what the hell ‘this’ was.  He had a feeling he knew what ‘this’ John was talking about and it wasn’t a discussion that needed to be had in public.

Thankfully, his staff were smart enough to run for cover when normally laid-back Lt Colonel’s sounded ready to blow and the lab was deserted less than six seconds after John stormed into it.  Once he was sure they were alone, Rodney deigned to lift his gaze from his computer screen.

John was waiting, his eyes blazing and a piece of paper held tightly in his right hand, the force of his grip threatening to rip the paper.

Yeah, that was the ‘this’ Rodney thought it was.  Sighing, he stood up from his stool and moved over to the coffee machine and poured himself a refill.

“I’m assuming those are the papers I had Woolsey draw up making you my health care proxy.  Like we discussed.”

“Discussed? Is that what we’re calling it?”

Rodney frowned at that.  Ok, maybe he hadn’t given John much of a chance to contribute to his ramblings but, in his defence, he was still recovering from brain surgery and the painkillers Keller prescribed for him had made him even more verbose than usual.  And while John may not have said much, he _had_ said yes.  Rodney remembered that much.

“Because I don’t remember discussing _this_.”  John raised the piece of paper in his clenched fist and shook it.

Rodney sighed.  He knew exactly what part of the document John was talking about but he didn’t fully understand John’s reaction.  It wasn’t anything he hadn’t been prepared to do just a few short weeks ago.

His reaction when Rodney told him just that was even more baffling.

John reared back as if Rodney had physically assaulted him.  “How could you think that? That was never part of the plan. It wasn’t even discussed.”

“What do you mean it wasn’t even discussed?” Rodney argued.  “I read the report. Ronon told you all that those caves the gift of one last day and then the person died.  With dignity. With their mind intact. I don’t know about you but that certainly meets my definition of a mercy killing.”

John flinched again.  “No. That’s not what it was.  Those caves saved you, they gave Keller time to - -”

“Oh, please,”  Rodney rolled his eyes.  “You couldn’t have known that would happen.  The very fact that Keller operated on me with a _power tool you found in the back of the jumper_ proves that you had no idea that would happen.  You brought me to those caves to die. As myself instead of the vegetable that parasite was turning me into.  A good death. If it wasn’t explicitly discussed, it should have been.”

John shook his head.  “You don’t mean that. And that wasn’t what - - Jesus, Rodney, we would have done anything to make you better.”

“I know that.  In fact, that’s why I decided on you as my proxy in the first place.  If it had been up to Keller, I would have died in the most humiliating way imaginable.  If you hadn’t been able to get Jeannie here in time I would have lingered until I couldn’t walk, couldn’t talk, couldn’t _think_. I wouldn’t have even been able to wipe my own ass.”

John swallowed hard at Rodney’s ugly words, bowing his head and breathing hard.  It took Rodney a few moments to calm his own breath after his anger had gotten the better of him and it wasn’t until he was something approaching calm that he realised John was shaking.

“What are you - - “

John’s eyes were wet when he looked up at Rodney and it was Rodney’s turn to rear back as if had just been struck.

“You didn’t bring me there to die,” he said, finally starting to understand.

“No. I could never - - no.”

Rodney took a step towards John, just one.  “So you were, what? Hoping for a miracle? You’re smarter than that, John.”  

He took another step.

John shook his head again.  “Apparently not. Not when it comes to you.”

Rodney took another step, bringing him close enough to reach out and touch John if he dared to.

“You’re in love with me?” he asked.

“So much that it makes me stupid,” John admitted, his voice barely more than a whisper.  “So, Rodney, I’m sorry but I can’t agree to this. Giving the instruction to euthanise you would kill me too.”

Rodney reached out, taking the paper from John’s hand and tearing it up.  

John watched, his eyes wide.  “What are y- - “

“I’ll get Woolsey to change the names.  Radek can do it. And I don’t know if you have something similar in your own files but if you are thinking of setting something similar up, don’t ask me to do it.”

John swallowed hard, his eyes darting to Rodney’s lips.  “Why not?”

Rodney smiled.  “Because giving the instruction to euthanise you would kill me too.”

John’s lips were dry and chapped against Rodney’s own but they felt like they belonged there.  It felt like home.

John had been his home for five years, he just hadn’t realised it.

Maybe John was right.  Love really did make you stupid.  


**Author's Note:**

> Next up: forced to hurt somebody.


End file.
